& the battle was long, it was the fight of our lives.

When I wrote my year end post at the end of 2010 I wrote about how excited I was for the upcoming year. A year of growing and changes and new adventures. Boy was I ever right about the first two things. I guess you could say I’m feeling a little bit overwhelmed by how much my life has changed in the last few months. At only 21 years old I still have A LOT of living to do. I have a lot of adventures to embark on before I settle down with a full time job. Unfortunately I feel like I’m losing that feeling.

One of my best friends left last October to go work in Jasper. We were excited for her and I know it’s the best thing she could have done. Now I’m not sure when she’ll be coming home. My other best friend received an internship in Vancouver and will be leaving in October for yet again an undetermined time. I realize this is life. I realize people get up and go but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I don’t want to lose what we had. The last two years, when we were all together, were some of the happiest moments of my life. I’ll never forget all of us piling into the car on the way to St-Leonard D’Aston for some random ass trip for my birthday. Singing along in the car with my four best friends was the most incredible feeling. Now I don’t know when I’ll be able to do that again.

I’ve mentioned in the past that the one thing on this planet that makes me happier than ANYTHING else is being on the road with people I love going to a concert. It seems like that was completely taken out of my life. Maybe it doesn’t help that not a lot of bands are touring but the last time I was on the road with friends to go see a show was the first week of May. It’s now going into the second week of July. I feel like I’m caged right now. I’m not ready to settle down and give up living carelessly just yet. I wanted one more summer to get that done. Now I don’t know what to do.

On top of that I feel like I’m drifting from my friends. I’ve always been the one to organize everything and I’ve noticed lately that when I don’t call someone that I can go months and months without hearing from them. Why does it always have to me who does it? I have high school friends who I love to pieces who I decided to stop calling. It was always me keeping in touch and I got fed up of it. Turns out the minute I stopped calling them, I stopped hearing from them all together. So yeah it does sadden me when I find out people are seeing each other at coffee shops or at shows or at restaurants and forgetting about me when I try SO hard to invite them into my life.

I guess I’m writing this because a part of me is really sad. I’ve never been one for big changes and this year is throwing too many at me. I was spoiled in 2008-2009. I know that. Those were two of the most incredible years of my life and I lived them to the fullest. I got on the road any time I could. I sang at the top of my lungs until I could no longer feel my vocal chords. I saw friends every couple of days and did new things. Now I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut.

I want to sing until my throat is raw again.


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