Did I do something to warrant this karma?

This week keeps handing me disappointments like it’s candy.

First of all if I’m writing right now I’m clearly not in Florida. Thanks to a panic attack. I woke up at 3:45am. I got dressed and as I was sitting at my vanity doing my hair I just felt it. To those who don’t suffer from them it might be easy to say “Oh just breathe and try and distract yourself” but to those of us who actually experience them it’s terrifying. I had to be out the door at 4am. I was still sitting in my kitchen, unable to move, at 4:30am. By then it was too late for me to be able to run to the airport. At the same time when that strikes you don’t know what triggered it and you sure as hell don’t want that happening at the airport, on the airplane or in Florida. So I had to make a terrible decision. I chose not to go. I lost all the money I put down for the trip. I lost a week away with two best friends. As if that wasn’t bad enough.

Since I was supposed to be in Florida this week I turned down a FREE meet and greet pass with my favorite band and tickets to their show in Kingston with my best friend. She asked someone else. Sucks for me that I’m in town now. On top of that I sold my tickets to Simple Plan this Thursday because, yet again, I wasn’t supposed to be in town. Now I find out that I might not be able to go to the Hedley show in Ottawa and if I do I’m most likely going alone. I really just want to cry.

A part of me is just really sad because from 2006-2010 I was having the time of my life. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still getting amazing opportunities and I’m still having fun but it’s not the same kind of fun. I miss roadtrips with my best friends. I miss getting in the car with them and driving and singing at the top of our lungs. I miss us being girls and running to the hotel room to get ready. I miss our squealing and our hysterical giggle fits. I see so many people my age who are still going with groups of their friends on roadtrips. And not just to one show. They’re doing what we used to do. They’re making a mini tour out of it and yet they work and balance all of this out too. The last time we did that was in May. Almost a year ago. I miss it terribly.

In summary…this week I get to do nothing remotely fun and go to work instead. I’ve told myself I need to be more positive. Hell I’m trying but sometimes life is cruel.





  1. seemefly Said:

    i love you. i will try to help finding a tix for either ott or mtl.

  2. melissa Said:

    I’m still so sad about this, but I have no doubt you’re coming out the other side a stronger lady! Something good is in your future, I’m sure of it ❤

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